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As Brother Hollywood I rep quite a few different types of people. One of them is the elusive Mr. Nova. He sends his stories in on stolen F Drives. There's always some porn on the storage device, in addition to his latest adventure. He says it's a bonus. I don't know if I'd call watching two girls peeing on snow cones then prancing around like ponies my idea of a good time, but hey, Nova does.
That being said, it is my honor to present one of his college adventures...
The College Years, Part I: Making Friends
My (short-lived) scholastic career was an Era of High Adventure. And by “high,” I mean your Novanator was INSANELY fucked-up all of the time. I somehow managed to bullshit my way into the nation’s premier party school – and was working harder than a dyke with small fingers to obliterate brain cells, disseminate globs of personal DNA, and treat my liver like a honky prison bitch.
I had never been happier, my beloved Novanites. The beer flowed like wine, my stain-stick spray painted countless tonsils, and the Big Novowski smoked more ganga than a Jamaican with glaucoma. Adrift in messy, orgasmic glory, I crafted a pleasure-dome of beer bottles and condom wrappers – and stayed in a perpetual state of being juuuust sober enough to get hard… yet too inebriated to give a shit about anything other than myself.
Yes, Young Nova was staking his claim in this crazy universe, banging out sweet shaven snatch with hedonistic glee. He was also breaking through on a scholastic level. The challenges presented within the hallowed halls of academia presented an opportunity for Lord Nova to ruffle feathers and moisten panties. Your Deacon of Novanometry debated subjects with the best of them. He made teachers blush and fellow students cry. He even made a few friends along the way… such as a certain person who went on to become a famous dot-com gazillionaire. To shield his identity, let’s call him Dick.
At first, I honestly didn’t know what to make of Dick. He was in most of my classes and always had something ridiculously grandiose to belch. He loved the Dallas Cowboys and I didn’t (Go Bears!). He earned a reputation as a political mastermind, engineering clandestine takeovers of political clubs and student government organizations. According to the college rumor mill, Dick once conned the administration into fully funding a gangbang at a Korean massage parlor by timing the fuck-fest during Asian Awareness Week. When questioned by school administrators, Dick maintained that he was simply exploring creative ways to make egg drop soup.
So I decided to test this guy’s mettle. At first I would make fun of him by interrupting his political tirades. He would say something like, “Professor, it is plain to see the numbers on this issue don’t add up. If we examine Keynesian economics and the theories of Friedman, then clearly the variables at hand are woefully askew. How ON EARTH can ANYONE justify such a grotesque fiscal misappropriation of precious wealth and treasure?”
I would raise my hand and the professor would reluctantly nod, “Yes, Mr. Nova? Would you care to respond to Dick?”
“I just wanted to say that I am mad at numbers. Numbers make me angry! That is all.” Then I’d put my head on the desk and fall back asleep.
The class would look at me in disgust (or disbelief), but fuck if it wasn’t funny. One of the girls dug my humor and gave me a little smile. She was cute as hell and needed a good spanking. I took her home that evening and deflowered her shitake mushroom. Then she made me a sandwich.
The following morning, while I was banging her from behind, making her suck on a pacifier and wear a bib, I slowed down and pulled out.
“What’s wrong, Mr. Nova?” my buxom coed cried.
“That Dick guy. Something is… quite strange about him.”
She was offended: “That is what you were thinking about while were having sex? I thought you were just concentrating on me! And now you tell me you were think about Dick?!”
“Don’t flatter yourself, jizz-breath. I think about a lot of stuff during the old pelvis-polka. I think about the universe and the fact that it is infinitely expanding. Within these quantum expansions are celestial offshoots – parallel universes like our own, except not our own. Right now, for example, the Mr. Nova from Universe SX is probably wondering if there is another Mr. Nova out there, and what his fingers smell like. Our thoughts are connected through space and time—”
“Mr. Nova, what does this have to do with Dick? And more importantly, what does if have to do with ME?! By the way, this bib is really uncomfortable.”
“I believe that the Mr. Nova from Universe SX is trying to warn me about… something. You see, last night I had this crazy dream: An intergalactic version of me was seeking to tap into my consciousness and communicate from the Great Beyond – and Dick played a minor role in this message. I just don’t fully understand how it all ties together. It doesn’t matter, I suppose.” I shook my head, shaking out the inter-dimensional cobwebs. “Now, as for you, young lady: Put that pacifier back in your mouth and get on all fours! Daddy Nova has to give his naughty little girl a good spanking!” Smack, smack!
After she limped out of my apartment, I sat there in a pool of spooge and pussy juice, pondering once again the very meaning of existence. Of course, I was high off some chronic I stole from her purse and was kickin’ a 40 of Bull Ice – but like I always say: Uh… This is good chronic. I don’t remember what I always say. Go Bears?
The next day I was walking out of class when Dick walked up to me. “Yo, Nova! You say some weird stuff in there, man. What’s your story?”
“Dude, I am just bored. I am trying to get through this college shit so I can get my music career going.”
“Yeah, I saw your band the other week. Was that girl REALLY blowing you on stage?”
I smiled. “What do you think? I don’t even remember. I was too into our cover of ‘Breakin’ the Law.’”
Dick laughed, “You seem to have a knack for that. I remember the time you missed a week of class because you had to serve jail time. What was up with that?”
I looked far away into the distance. After a long silence, I replied in my most grave and serious tone: “That is a story I can never tell.”
“Well, shit, sorry for asking. Anyway, the reason I stopped you is that there’s a party tonight you might wanna check out. I think it could use some Nova Style.” Dick waited for my answer.
I pondered the invitation. I was always careful in picking friends; now a new one wanted to enter Novanator’s mad, mad world. Plus, I still needed to learn the significance of that bizarre dream…
“Will there be snatch and beer? Lots of it?” I asked.
“Guaranteed. Why don't we go grab a pitcher, some wings, and a plate of nachos? We can do some pre-party warm-ups and hit the festivities later.”
“You got yourself a deal, Dick.”
Maybe this Dick guy wasn’t that bad after all. Maybe the Mr. Nova from Universe SX was trying to tell me that I should go to the party tonight and shake up the cosmos.
What followed was pure madness...
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