So I was at college, I think my sophomore year. I had either broken up with this girl or had gotten turned down by her, I forget. But I was pretty annoyed by it at the time. (I used to be pretty volatile.) So me and my buddy, Dave decide to hit this party off campus. He wants to get drunk but I announce, "I'm going to get into a fight." Dave didn't really take me seriously, as I had not been in a fight on campus and I'm not the sort of guy that really starts those things, but like I said, I was pretty volatile back then.

So we get to the party and it's full of "Sluggos" (i.e. mostly jocks) and no girls. I'm brooding and Dave's pounding down 7 & 7's. It's so boring, that I start to cool off and I suggest to Dave we walk back to campus and play video games or something. Dave says, "Okay, just let me finish this drink."

At that moment, some drunken Sluggo stumbles into him and Dave spills his drink on him. Dave immediately apologizes, but this guy is really belligerent and starts yelling at him. Dave is kind of drunk and the yelling immediately sours his buzz. He's starts shrinking away mumbling, "Leave me alone. I'm just a Jew. I'm just a Jew." (Dave is Jewish, but I'm still not sure why he said that.)

I said to myself, "Ah, perfect. Now I can get into a fight!" So I step in and yell at the guy to leave Dave alone. We do the stare down and the "Throw the first punch" dance. The guy throwing the party insists we take it outside, so we start to move outside.

But this sluggo is WASTED. He can barely walk. His friends see that I'm cold sober and not a small human being, one mumbles to me, "Dude, just walk away." But he doesn't understand, I came to the party to fight, so I ignore him. However, I believe its bad luck to throw the first punch, so I wait to get hit. I want to feel the dull, painful sensation of a fist to the face. I honestly do. But the guy just starts flailing his arms and staggering around. He's too drunk to fight. Finally, he gets close to me, but his friend grabs him by the waist and pulls him back.

I'm standing there and I can feel the wind from his swings! And he still can't connect. Finally, everyone in the party is begging me to just go before I kill the guy. That gave me some measure of satisfaction, so I shrugged to Dave and we went back to campus.

I never did get punched. That's probably a good thing.

Naturally. The guy might have ruined your fine roman nose! Then where would your male modeling career be?

It's amazing how a little heart ache will make some one ready to throw down. I've got a couple "how could she dump me/turn me down its time to beat someone up" stories.